by Crystal Deveau

Created on: April 27, 2007   Last Updated: October 31, 2008

on a snowy day in November of 2001 a newborn cry was heard from one of the most handsome little boys ever born. He was a full term baby weighing in at 9 lbs 8 oz and in perfect health.That is what makes this story all the more heartbreaking to tell,the thought of your child dieing before you just never goes through your mind. We lived our lives normally with a new baby who was a wonderful sleeper but one morning we woke up and something just didn't feel right. I awoke with dreadful pains in my stomach and a overwhelming sense of fear.As I went to his room to get him up for the day expecting the same as every other day a big smile long warm hug and off to start our day as usual..this sense of fear became all the worse.I opened hid door and walked inside only to find my precious baby boy already gone..It was then that i realized the pain i felt was a part of me dieing with him. There would be no more hugs or smile from my boy no more days cuddling together on the couch my life as i knew it was coming to an end.After calling 911 I was told to preform cpr on my already dead son and of course i did,any chance to possibly bring him back i couldn't let pass with out trying. It was only when we got to the hospital and my doctor came in and said I am so sorry for your loss that it really sunk in. After this came hours of impossible questions not only with myself but with the police.. I spent hours being treated like I was responsible for the death of my son... three days later I received a call telling me his death could not have been prevented the investigation had then been closed..Now its time to start planning a funeral,which was the first funeral I Had ever been to. My son was 1 day short of 2 months old and i was 17 only a child myself trying deal with the loss of my own child..now knowing for sure that my life would never be the same feeling inside like i was going crazy and not being able to control it. That is the worst feeling I have ever had spending each day wondering what i could have done so bad to deserve such a punishment..The death of my son tore me apart forever there will always be a part of my heart that died with him.Its has been 5 years now since my sons death and I still miss him just as much but i know now that i have a guardian angel,my son watching over me. So for all parents that fear this will happen to them please know that you should cherish every moment with your children because you never really know how much you will miss every moment with them. Every birthday or holiday every little smell that reminds you of them but do know that you can go on, it is not easy but life will go on.I have had 2 children since my son died my next child was perfect my last wasnt, he was very very sick as a baby and has gone through multiple surguries since birth but he has his big brother watching over him. The hardest part of losing a child to S.I.D.S is not being able to explain why...

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