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us and those whom we are trying to impress.

When we go along with the crowd for the sake of it, our behaviour becomes superficial and we cease to take responsibility for our actions. We then break the promises we make to ourselves and go along with something inherently wrong for the sake of it. But we then set up a cycle of self-guilt, remorse, unhappiness, loss of confidence, loss of esteem and more guilt. We cannot convince ourself we've done the right thing because, subconsciously, by our standards, we know we haven't. Like people of minority cultures who immediately abandon what they have practised and believed in for the 'better' looking majority culture. They tend to live in a kind of no man's land for ages before coming to terms with their identity because they had been too quick to abandon their own traditions without putting anything of substance in its place.

We really have to decide what is right for us and stick with it, regardless. There is no harm in compromising, but not for short term gain. Change should also mean sharing for mutual benefit, not just seeking the approval of others so that we have nothing left for us. Reluctantly going against our own values to please other people merely damages our confidence without giving us anything valuable in return. When we deny our roots, culture, principles and beliefs for expediency anything that has helped to mould our character or way of life without having anything equally worthwhile or convincing with which to replace it, we damage our credibility and esteem and leave ourselves open to rejection and ridicule. In effect, we become just a caricature of what we hope to be, while finding it difficult to convince others of our sincerity.

Learn more about this author, Elaine Sihera.
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