by Hickman

Created on: April 26, 2007   Last Updated: May 09, 2007

SCENE FADES IN... charming and seemingly healthy person is dramatically stricken by illness unknown...patient is taken to hospital and makes some improvement (the wonders of modern medicine prevail, physicians congratulate themselves). But wait....patient is stricken down again, the body is attacking itself, the symptoms are bizarre, complicating normal diagnoses (Who knew doctors were so dumb and helpless when confronting unconventional symptomatology?)

My God! This person is going to die of whatever is happening and we can only watch helplessly. (Fools! Wasting precious time...has anyone paged House, yet?)

Scene dynamically opens to limping, smirking and attractively disheveled Dr. Gregory House (Actor Hugh Laurie...does anyone else remember him from Black Adder? He's hilarious as the idiot King George).

House is finishing up his reluctant clinical duties (he hates people you see, but the boss-lady is forcing him to 'administer medical care' like some lowly, dime-a-dozen M.D.) House manages to treat the ER patient's complaint in a flash, while insulting their intelligence (compared to House, everyone is a potato), demeaning them and belittling their illness, all with an acerbic wit sure to delight the audience.

Boss-Lady (very sexy for a hospital administrator) chastises House for his lack of bedside manner...she sighs in frustration and awe as he ignores her, insults her and limps away (he's such a mean bastard, but he's the most brilliant doctor she's ever been graced to know...she stares at his back like she wants to take her clothes off right there and show him who's really boss!)

Back to the mysterious illness (the patient isn't a person so much as an amalgamation of exotic symptoms and bewildering test results)...the Trio (three attractive, young, up-and-coming docs...the Girl, the Brit and the Black Guy) have thrown everything they have at this illness. It is the Trio's job to present the case to House, and submissively subject themselves to his berating and insulting (but brilliant!) interrogation of their reasoning and approach to treating the mystery illness.

House already knows what the illness is but this must be dragged out over another 30 minutes (fraught with a few false starts, extreme close up special effects of organs, cells and blood going haywire and at least one dramatic relapse). House comes within a hair's breadth of being humbled when the moment is snatched away after he is ultimately vindicated...YES! He IS the smartest doctor in the

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