by Christine Conte

Created on: April 26, 2007   Last Updated: May 10, 2007

The Most Frequent Cause of Divorce.

While sex and money are typically the most frequently fought-over issues in a marriage, the most frequent cause of divorce is rooted in a lack of compatibility.

I once heard that "A woman marries because it's the right man; a man marries because it's the right time", and when I hold this statement up against much of what I've observed, it rings very true. (Of course, I don't claim this to be true in all cases; there are exceptions to every rule!)

BECAUSE IT'S THE RIGHT TIME

Many (most?) men are very goal-oriented, and often marriage takes a backseat to goals and dreams. Perhaps he has decided he will be ready for marriage when: he's established in his career, or he has bought a house, or he has grown his business to a certain stage, or maybe once he's simply sowed enough of his wild oats. If a reasonably suitable woman comes along at the appropriate point on a man's internal timeline, he may very well marry her... because he believes he should, because it's time.

BECAUSE IT'S THE RIGHT MAN

It seems to me that many women in our society view marriage as a goal in itself, and not as one of MANY significant milestones in life. This attitude may not be terribly surprising, having been raised on romantic fairy tales that always seem to end at the moment when the girl has finally caught the handsome prince. Mission accomplished! Happily ever after... although we never get to see what happens once the heroine settles into hum-drum domestic life with Prince Charming. That would break the magical spell of the romantic illusion, wouldn't it?

MAYBE IT'S NOT RIGHT AT ALL

These two different scenarios have one striking parallel: there is not much thought put into the decisions. Furthermore, hormones and feelings of romantic love are notoriously unreliable. Issues of compatibility can easily be brushed aside, much as the couple is swept away in love. Minor irritations and major issues alike can be dismissed by rationalizing, "It doesn't matter because we're so much in love" and "He/She will change once we're married".

THE HONEYMOON IS OVER

Those powerful "in love" feelings, by the way, have been proven to last only a few years at most. Coincidentally, couples typically tend to spend 2-3 years from their first meeting to the altar, while the average marriage itself lasts about 7 years (the infamous "seven-year itch?). You could say we are wired to be victims of a biological practical joke: those "in love" feelings last just long enough to get us

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