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A Sweet Trade-off

My serious drinking started when I was in my mid-thirties. I joined a social group for singles. I've never been a social butterfly always afraid of rejection if I took off my mask. I'd smile, and if anybody bothered talking to me, I'd talk back, but most people didn't hang around long enough to get to know me. I discovered a new me when I drank.

Wine at parties flowed freely and I thought wine was fine. It gave me a nice little buzz and my usual reserve went bye-bye. I liked the effect so well that I began buying bottles of wine to drink at home.

I was lucky that I never got a ticket for driving under the influence. I had no idea how I made it home in one piece! I used to jokingly say that my car was trained and knew the way. On one occasion I actually sideswiped a parked car and drove on. A hit-and-run, something I'd never do if I was sober. I felt so guilty. It's one of the ugly things about drinking too much.

Pretty soon, the urge to have a drink was a daily event. The drinking did not interfere with my ability to hold a job during the daytime. It did, however, cause my doctor to raise her eyebrows and (the nerve of that woman) ask me if I "always" drank at lunch time. She could smell the wine cooler I'd had at lunch time, even though I sucked on some mints before my appointment. I told her, "No," although I don't think she believed me. She recommended that I go to Alcoholics Anonymous. Phooey, I thought, I don't drink that much. I did attend a few meetings, then I'd go home and drink some wine. I didn't need AA no, not me.

One of my most humiliating, embarrassing experiences was at a singles group party. Parties were held at the home of a member. Parties at Glo's house were always fun. Her spacious house and good dance music made it a popular site, as well as Glo's warm personality. She made the best margaritas and I was downing them as if they were soda. She even asked me at one point if I could handle another one, and I cheerfully assured her that I was feeling fine!

They crept up on me. I was joking around with Tony (he was a friendly party animal) one minute, and passed out the next. I also threw up right there at the party, amongst people I knew. Glo was very kind and, when I was conscious again, I could smell the stale booze on me. She offered to let me stay overnight. I felt better, albeit embarrassed that I had gotten so drunk, and decided I was able to drive home, wearing my sweater which still had vomit on it. After that experience,

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