by Tammy Stoner

Created on: April 26, 2007   Last Updated: January 03, 2009

In 1955, while families nestled together watching television shows like Leave it to Beaver, divorce was a relatively rare occurrence. Today one out of every two couples, joined together in holy matrimony, will end in divorce.

Why is divorce so prevalent today, and so rare yesterday? What happened? Have our expectations changed? Are we disillusioned with the institution of marriage, that we are willing to give up on it so easily?

There are many that state that a failure to communicate, is clearly the number one reason for divorce, and an inability to communicate is certainly a factor. However, it is short sighted to think that a failure to communicate with each other is the primary reason for divorce. After all, did our parents or grandparents communicate better then we do? I doubt it.

Divorce is a result of high expectations that go unmet. We expect our partners to give us missing pieces of ourselves. We expect them to know what we need, and how to give it. We expect so much, and are disappointed or upset when our partners don't know what we need, or know how to fill our needs. Often we end up feeling misunderstood.

I wish I had a quarter for each person who has started a counseling session believing that if their partner really loved them, then they would know what they think and feel. They shouldn't have to ask, they should just know. If I believe that if you really love me, you will just know what I need, and when you don't, then that must mean that you really don't love me.

I am a believer in the powers of the unknown. I think that the world is more then what we know the world to be. I believe that there is evidence of extrasensory perception. There is more than what we know, but having said that, I do not believe we have cultivated the art of extrasensory perception, or telepathy, enough for me to know what you think through mind reading. I don't expect you can read my mind, and I don't believe I can read yours, at least not more than in a haphazard way. As yet, we certainly haven't polished the art of mental telepathy.

Having said that, I am astounded at the number of times I have heard one partner say to another, "if you really loved me, you would know. I wouldn't have to ask you to do blah, blah, blah. You would just know." When you don't understand me, you make me up. That's right if I don't understand you, and only think I understand you, I will imagine you to be the way I experience you. I will describe you as being one way, based on my perception of you,

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