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"No, really.See?" I vaguely remember four separate tests,all absolutely positive and then a spinning room all centered on my smiling wife. Pregnant. Now mind you, we'd done this twice already,and I considered myself a veteran, but eight years between the blessed events and the fact that my wife chose April Fool's to tell me....well, I was understandably shocked (ladies, please consider the timing of the announcement if you're looking for the correct overjoyed reaction).

All that aside, going into pregnancy for the rougher sex is a little bit like laying out a plan of battle; if we're going to be any help at all we need to have some tactics we can sink our teeth into. Now, don't misunderstand the message here; I'm well aware that there are roughly about 19 billion "Help Dad help Mom through Mom's Pregnancy books" out there and most of them have great information in them.
None of them though, are going to help when you have just created a monsoon in the living room by daring to suggest that maybe it might be hard for you to find pineapples at four a.m. None of them are going to be there for you when the sweet well rounded woman who has borne your progeny so good-naturedly suddenly becomes demon possessed and calls into question your ancestry either. Start to finish, you are on your own.

My wife - and I am not saying this because she often reads my work- is probably one of the strongest people I know. I say this because I know that no amount of money or promise of Sainthood could ever have gotten me to my feet on four hours rest after expelling a nine pound organism from any part of my body. That being said, I also know that she is certifiably insane when pregnant, prone to dipping cheese puffs in applesauce and doing unprintable things to the food we know and love. This is the first thing that as a dedicated partner you have to recognize; your wife is indeed crazy, and will be until released from the captivity of the pint sized dictator that trying to rearrange her ribs. DO NOT under any circumstances ask her why!

There are changes that occur during pregnancy. I realize this is an understatement, but this is the only way to come to grips with the unholy morphology that happens to the attractive lady you conceived your child with. She is sore, she is tired, she is carrying grapefruit sized swelling in places that never existed before, and yes, you are required to take this all in stride. Bear in mind that she is not stupid and that the sackcloth that she has drawn

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