3 of 45

Write now Article Tools

In the face of death, personal conflict has no place. When you know someone is living his or her last moments on the planet, all energy should be focused on assisting the person's most comfortable transition.

The hardest goodbye I've ever had to offer was to my paternal grandmother. I was the last person to see her alive. The rest of my family had left the hospital, and I moved into intensive care to spend my last moments with her.

She had suffered a number of strokes and looked quite contorted laying the bed. I moved to the chair at her bedside and took her hand. For at least ten minutes, I sat there unable to say anything. Though she was comatose, her eyes were open and had lost color. Instead of the intense brown eyes I was accustomed to, I looked over into the greenish-gray eyes of a shell.

I wanted to yell that this wasn't my grandmother. I knew, though, that deep inside this dying body whose hand I held in mine, the person I'd loved my entire life loving was trapped. It made me agonize about her pain, but it also made me release what I wanted in the moment.

I talked to her. I told her that we would be okay, and if she was tired of fighting, she should go. All the seeds she'd planted in us, I said, were growing strong.

I got up from that chair and walked away knowing my grandmother's time was limited. By the time I arrived at home, I received a call from the hospital. She was gone.

It became important in those final moments to push aside my own selfish wishes - that she would miraculously recover and open her vibrant brown eyes and make me laugh again. I could see her fighting, but I wanted her to be at peace.

What this important event taught me was that end-of-life transitions are seldom about the people who survive. They are about serving the person who is leaving and allowing them their last breaths on their own terms.

Learn more about this author, Cherryl Floyd-Miller.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.

Add your voice

Know something about End-of-life communication: On saying goodbye?
We want to hear your view. Write now!