Should negotiating a raise be any different for a woman than a man? In essence, the answer is "no." However, because men and women have different communication styles, it is important that when a woman discusses a raise with her boss that she understand just what message she is sending.

Georgetown University professor and communications expert Deborah Tannen (best-selling author of "You Just Don't Understand" and "That's Not What I Meant") has concluded that women and men approach communication differently. Women communicate to find common ground, while men communicate to delineate status. In short, if your boss is a woman, she will probably respond better to messages that signal your desire to work together toward a common goal, whereas a male boss probably will respond better to a conversation that gives him due respect as a boss.

Of course, these are generalizations, and individuals each have their own quirks and patterns of communicating important messages. Yet it is important to note in the negotiating process what key signals your boss is sending throughout the raise process. Being collaborative may not be as important to your male boss as respecting his authority. Appealing to your female boss's ability to exercise her authority over your raise may not work as well as finding common ground in the discussion. Male bosses use language to show power, while female bosses use language to find connection. A male boss may give (and expect) a straight-up answer, while a female boss may seek to soften the conversation to accomodate feelings.

Neither pattern is more correct or easier to use. It's just cultural adaptation we learn from an early age. Knowing these generalizations may help in the negotiating process. Another tip that employees should keep in mind is that rational facts that support your case for a raise are more likely to go further than emotional pleas. Showing why you deserve a raise in a calm, professtional manner is likely to help any employee in negotiating a raise. Listen and respond to the issues your boss raises about your performance. Admit to areas that need improvement, and offer solutions. Be open and honest, and give your boss some time to consider the discussion without pressuring him or her for an immediate decision.

In the end, your boss is a human just like you, who brings to the table all his or her own strengths and weaknesses. Being open and honest helps anyone negotiating a raise. Putting your best foot forward and being confident in your abilities is the best approach to take for any employee negotiating a raise, be it man or woman.

Learn more about this author, Christine Zibas.
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