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When children give off an attitude of "I don't care," it is usually means that they are out of touch with themselves or their feelings. Either they have learned that they cannot trust what they are feeling or they tried to express themselves, yet felt that they weren't heard. To protect themselves, such children numb themselves from appropriate emotional responses.

We as parents can help children express themselves by creating a safe space for such expression. Though I have some suggestions, I will say here that this is not an easy task. It requires that a certain level of trust exists between you and your child, and it also requires that you, the parent, take a look at yourself and the messages that you may be giving over to your children.

1.Encourage your child to speak to you... but you must be willing to listen to what they have to say, even if you don't agree with them. Pick a calm time and ask them how they are feeling- either in general or on a specific thing. You can ask them lead-in questions like, "If there was anything that you could change about our family, what would it be?" Listen to their response, or even better, write it down. Thank them for sharing with you, and tell them that you are going to consider what they said.

2. Name for the child the emotion that he is experiencing. If a child is being confrontational, say to him, "you seem very angry now." By naming the emotion, you help him to get in touch with it.

3. Share some of your own experiences and feelings. This will also help to create a dialog between you and your child.

4. Take a look at yourself and your parenting style. How do you handle your own distressful emotions? Do you give yourself permission to feel angry, jealous, sad, etc. If you are not doing it for yourself then chances are that you are not doing it for your children either.

Learn more about this author, Simi Brown.
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