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There are five communication styles defined by Virginia Satir, a famous American writer and psychotherapist. This classification can give you an alternative approach on how to be courageous in a conflicting situation at work.

When your opponent tends to dominate and win an argument by any means, he or she uses the "blaming" or "aggressive" style. The "blamer" hides a feeling of alienation and loneliness behind the facade of tough and complacent person. People with this communication style are more likely to initiate a conflict.

The second communication style is "placating" or "non-assertive". Unlike the "blamer", the "placater" will try to avoid any kind of confrontation. Those with "non-assertive" approach are people-pleasers; they often apologize and their main concern is how others perceive them. Although a "placater" can never be an initiator of a conflict, resolving any misunderstanding with a "placater" can be challenging due to his conflict avoiding behavior.

People practicing the "computing" or "intellectual" style tend to be emotionally detached in any encounter. A "computer" can be a firework of emotions inside while appearing very calm and super-rational on the outside. Being involved in interpersonal situation people with "intellectual" style will not expose their genuine feelings. You can always spot such people because of the intellectualisation they use to solve any conflict.

Next communication style is the "distracting" or "manipulative". A "distracter" is not sure what to do in a conflict, so he will react by shifting between the three previous types. Instead of taking positive actions, people with "distracting" style will use a whole range of emotions from anger to guilt to manipulate others' feelings and to avoid unpleasant encounters.

Here is the final "levelling"" or "assertive" style which is the ideal communication approach to a conflict resolution process. Leveller is comfortable with vague situations; he is ready to talk honestly about his feelings and to stand for his rights and not to discriminate others. The goal of levelling is mutual problem solving. Talking openly about one's emotions requires a certain amount of courage and confidence, but anyone can adopt the "assertive" style to resolve a conflict.

You probably have recognized the behavior of your co-worker, friends and relatives in the above mentioned types. Don't be fast in judging them; each style can be effective in some situations. It is the consistent use of one style that can create interpersonal problems. Don't be disillusioned if you realized that one of the inefficient communication styles is typical for you; it is always your choice to effectively handle a conflict by practicing the "levelling" style.

Learn more about this author, Alvira Litvyak.
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