There are few less threatening experiences than asking for a raise particularly from a boss you know is likely to initially say no. If the boss's highest value is that of most businessmen then he wants you to produce at your highest capacity and paying you the least amount of money he is able for your efforts. On your part you may wish to produce at your highest level but expect the most money you can get for your efforts.

Most bosses who have been in that position are thoroughly familiar with any approach you may make. As soon as you hint at the theme of a raise their minds are generally made up and more often than not the decision is negative. So what to do when the feared rejection becomes a concrete reality?

The following is a road map for effectively encountering such bully bosses. My setting was working as a beginning psychotherapist in a training clinic in New York City in my 5th year of working there. I had graduated to the ranks of a well respected supervisor, but I was over worked and under paid. Once day I screwed up enough courage to request some of his time for the purposes of asking for a raise.

He invited me to walk with him as he went to lunch. He said "what do you have in mind?" I answered: I would like to request a raise. He instantly answered: "Look G - if anyone merits a raise in this organization you do. You are a hard worker and everyone has a great deal of respect for you. However, you know our situation. We are in a constant state of under being under funded. I would like to give you a raise but we simply can't afford it."

Anticipating (and this is crucial) an initial rejection I answered: Yes, S I am aware of your financial conditions. {I did not say that I expected he would reject me and also knew that he characteristically did this with most people and that he and his favorites were making out like bandits.} I continued: but I have my own needs and find that I must make and am entitled to make more money for my services.

He answered: "Look, no one is disputing your needs and your expertise, we simply don't have the money." Upping the 'power' ante he added: "Look if you feel that you need more money and can't afford to stay here then perhaps you need to look around."

In the past such a confrontation would have rendered me catatonic. But, like an expert lawyer, I rehearsed my options until they were well honed.I countered: S, I have no intention of quitting. I love it here and expect to continue staying for the foreseeable future. And while I appreciate your needs I have to advocate for myself.I repeated I simply need and believe I merit an increase.

He paused. I added - S let me speak to you man to man. He said "OK." I continued: I know it is ultimately your decision as to whether or not you grant me a raise. I can only appeal to you man to man and hope that you will try to objectively be fair and reasonable. If you cannot or will not grant my request so be it. But I have to advocate for myself. I sincerely believe I merit an increase. Your choice.

We shook hands.

The next day I received an e mail that indicated I had been granted a $15.00 raise for each of my supervisory sessions.

My conclusion is try to remain calm, cool, and collected.Make an appeal to the facts. Use the magical words fair and reasonable as the agreed upon criterion for making final judgments. Take yourself seriously and express the courage of your convictions.

You may still wind up with a no but you must come away from the encounter with an increase of respect which will likely pay off in the future, if not with the present boss, at least with yourself and other future bosses.

Learn more about this author, Gibbs Williams.
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