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Most of us might say that we have a lot of friends in our lives. And if we are lucky, those individuals that we entrust with our friendship prove themselves worthy of that trust. But more than likely, our pool of friends is a mixture of both good and toxic friends. Good friends are those who choose to have our best interest at heart. That means they are supportive and encouraging as much as humanly possible and are honest with us even at times when that honesty might not be what we really wish to admit about ourselves. Good friends usually make a conscious decision to stick by us through the good and bad times in our lives and expect a similar investment from us in return.

But then there are toxic friends. Toxic friends can sometimes be cleverly disguised and can range in severity from the minor backstabber to the most brutal betrayer. Some definite signs of a toxic friendship include:

1. Someone who seems to genuinely befriend you to your face but then calculatingly concocts ways to complain about you when you are out of earshot.
2. Someone who lies to you or excludes you on a repeated basis and without due explanation.
3. Someone who does not understand the meaning of words like compromise and reciprocity.
4. Someone who repeatedly drags you into his or her world of chaos and crisis without also sharing the positive progress that he or she might be making to get out of the negative hole that they find themselves in or informing you once they have emerged from it entirely.
5. Someone who repeatedly ignores the verbal or physical cues that you send out to indicate that you need time and space for other friendships, important projects or higher priorities.
6. Someone who does not love you enough to at least point out a characteristic or behavior that he or she observes that they feel might be harming you or your friendship unnecessarily.
7. Someone who would do anything physically, mentally or emotionally harmful to you including verbally or physically abusing you, attempting to control you or involve you in any sort of illegal or generally understood immoral behavior.

If you find yourself involved with any of the toxic friends described above, the first thing to do is to decide how toxic the behavior of your friend is. If the toxicity is a matter of a few white lies, some odd distancing or even a small period of negative talk in your absence, your objectivity might help you to work with your friend to heal the relationship so that it is fully recovered. If, however, the toxicity has harmed you in a physical, emotional, or spiritual manner or could present a moral or legal entanglement, it might be best to consider a break-up.

Here's hoping that the friends you choose are the good ones and that the trust that you place in them is treasured.

Learn more about this author, Courtney Caswell-Peyton.
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