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Ways to Communicate with a Know-it-all.

My mom always said, "Nobody likes a know-it-all", and that statement holds more than just a small grain of truth. It's frustrating and sometimes downright humiliating to deal with that person who knows everything there is to know about everything there is to know!

While a know-it-all can be pretty handy when you need advice, or when you're sitting in the hot-seat on "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire", but sometimes the stubbornly opinionated, all-knowing expert doesn't know what he or she is talking about!

A GREAT CONVERSATIONALIST vs A KNOW-IT-ALL

Some people are very bright, have wide-ranging interests, and naturally accumulate bits of trivia and random pieces of knowledge from day to day. They are probably avid readers and/or media junkies, constantly absorbing information like sponges.

Having such eclectic interests, they can likely contribute a nugget of information to virtually any topic of conversation. These people do not come across as know-it-alls, but rather as interesting and even fascinating, because their information is shared in a positive, helpful, or even entertaining manner.

On the other hand, a know-it-all is probably very similar to the above type of person in the information-collecting sense. However, the know-it-all differs in that he or she usually has a condescending, superior attitude. The know-it-all's agenda never lets you forget that he or she is much more intelligent than you are... even if he or she is not!

UNDERSTANDING THE KNOW-IT-ALL

Virtually any time a person strikes such a superior attitude, it stems from insecurity. The know-it-all is probably just insecure about his or her own intellect. Their powerful need to be right (or be perceived as right!) can make them very stubbornly opinionated and argumentative. This especially can make the know-it-all difficult to deal with.

DEALING WITH THE KNOW-IT-ALL

Arguing with a know-it-all is futile. Persuasion, on the other hand, requires hard facts and solid sources. You may need to haul out a dictionary, two encyclopedias, and three back issues of the New York Times before you can successfully prove your point.

The worst thing you can say to a know-it-all is "You're wrong!" or "That's stupid!" That approach will put the know-it-all into defense mode, and you might as well give up. When correcting or making a point, instead gently validate (or butter up) the know-it-all with statements like "Well, yes, that certainly IS a valid opinion. Another interesting idea is that...." Present alternate ideas and opinions as peacefully co-existing with the know-it-all's, and perhaps the know-it-all may acknowledge the possibility of a valid "gray area".

Most importantly, understand that your frustration may come from your own insecurity. Does the know-it-all's attitude make you feel inferior or less intelligent? What are YOU trying to prove? Remember that no one can "press your buttons" unless there are buttons TO press!

Learn more about this author, Christine Conte.
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