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The Steps of Step-Parenting

Divorce is a difficult process to work through for parents and their children. The difficulties can be compounded when a parent begins dating again and remarries another person. Issues such as time management, disciplining, and the role of the step-parent need to be worked through in order to maintain and nourish the relationships amongst the parent, step-parent, and children. This article will look at these three issues and provide some suggestions as to how to navigate through them.

Typically, when people enter into love relationships, they spend a lot of time together getting to know one another and staring amorously into each other's eyes. Understandably, that leaves less time to spend with one's children. As the relationship develops, the parent may feel pulled between spending time with their children and their new partner. It's important for the parent to develop a schedule which includes time dedicated to both parties as well as time spent as a group (i.e., parent, partner, and children). Depending on the children's age, parents need to discuss with them the importance of the new person in their lives while confirming their love for the children. Engaging in group activities cements the permanence of the new partner and allows the children and new person to get to know one another. Keeping everyone separate minimizes the importance of the love relationship and keeps the children in denial regarding their parent's need for partnership.

Disciplining is a difficult area for most parents when it comes to their children, which is compounded when a new love relationship enters the picture. Issues such as who should do the disciplining, to what extent, and in what circumstances often arise, especially when the new partner moves in. Again, this is a topic that needs to be discussed between the couple and transmitted to the children. Without clear guidelines, children may disrespect the authority of the newcomer, take advantage of him/her, or use him/her to triangulate against their parent. Children need structure, consistency, and stability and defining clear guidelines and boundaries aid in that need. The new partner will also feel more comfortable knowing what is expected and the role to be played in parenting.

Keep in mind that there will undoubtedly be a period of great turmoil when the child(ren) realizes that their parent's new partner is here to stay. Jealousies may result in temper tantrums, back talk, silent treatment,

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