The sweat gathers on your palms. Your neck is stiffening as if it were being confined within a medieval torture devise. Ones heart starts racing. Suddenly there is an overpowering sense of being judged and stared at. These are the symptoms of panic or anxiety attacks to me.

The anxiety attack can strike at any moment out of the blue. Faster than you can say the word panic, it's upon you. Consuming your every thought until it spirals so far out of control you just have to run and hide from the situation until it subsides like a monster back to the depth of the ocean.

I suffered from a form of anxiety or panic attack for many years. It was the worst thing that ever happened to me. The condition got so bad it gave rise to a ten year battle with depression, with which I was at one point diagnosed with Clinical depression'.

When I was in the office or around a new group of people I would suddenly feel the surge of panic welling up inside me like a tornado. Unleashing with such force there was nothing I could do to stop it. I would be chatting away and the mere thought of an uncomfortable silence or look would kick start the life shattering cycle that became my world.

It would start with the feeling of heat rushing throughout my whole body. Sweat would begin to ooze out of every pore. My mind would be telling me that everyone could see my panic and were thinking "Look at the freak".
I could remain in my chair for literally thirty seconds at best before my safety mechanism ignited in my brain "Escape. Do it now. Go to the toilet. Lock the cubicle door. Do not come out. It is not safe".

I remember using toilet roll in an attempt to mop the sweat from my drenched body. My shirt would be soaked through. "Should I risk venturing out to the hand dryer to dry my shirt off more quickly or sit and wait safety. What if someone comes in?"
Then, the thought would arise of having to go back in there. "People must have seen my strange behaviour. They will be commenting and looking at me". I tried to reason with myself, "Be calm. Just go back out there and act as if you just needed the toilet. If anyone asks tell them you have a stomach bug".

This living hell consumed every single day of my working life from age sixteen to twenty seven. The struggle was both physically and emotionally draining. My depression grew deeper with each panic attack. It was like waiting for the inevitable darkness of night.

"There's got to be more to life than this. It's unbearable.

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