by Robin Shane

Created on: April 17, 2007   Last Updated: October 13, 2007

Julia, fictitious by name, seemed normal in almost every respect even though she had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder six years ago. At first, her disease kept her on rocky ground. The psychiatrists had tried and tried to find the right mixture of medication. Julia frequently got psychotic whether she was manic or depressed. When both moods mixed, she was a real mess. Her newly discovered alcoholism didn't help the doctors in the least. Even though her disorder preceded her alcoholism, it was apparent that her bipolar disorder was getting progressively worse. Constant violent episodes occurred between her and her family and then between between her and the police. In the event of psychosis, which she often couldn't,t remember, she was physically violent with the police even when she was outnumbered five to one. It seldom mattered whether she was drinking or not. Blackouts happened. Every incident landed her in the hospital's psych ward.

Finally, Julia got a break. She managed to get a whole month sober. She still ended up in the psych ward after becoming suicidal, but the doctors finally had a chance to get her meds straight. She stayed sober for three years, stayed on her meds, and worked a twelve step program with the help of a woman who understood her plight. It was a rocky road to be sure. Just the label of being seriously mentally ill and being on disability provided Julia with personal mental challenges. It didn't help that many of her friends thought that her meds were just a cop-out and that she just needed to work her program harder. Once, she actually quit her meds on the advice of a number of friends in her twelve step group and within a week she was in the psych ward for slicing up her arms.

Julia got through another year with no violence and minimal mental issues, thanks to a diligent doctor. She had just a few small incidences that the doc was able to quickly fix. Then the end came, just as it always did. Julia got paranoid, saw frightening things and she was either extremely aggressive in public or in a panic that caused her to feel trapped and unable to find her way out. When she got home she started cutting on her arms. Maya, Julia's roommate got Julia admitted in the hospital once again. THe doctors got the problem fixed within a month and Julia enjoyed another year virtually problem free.

When Julia began to have mild problems due to a lack of sleep, she was prescribed a sleeping aid. Within days she was blacking out rather than sleeping.

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