by Gena Reddoch

Created on: April 17, 2007   Last Updated: April 23, 2007

When you have a sister who is involved in an abusive relationship, all you can do is let her know that you are, and will always be, there for her.

It is unbelievably hard to watch someone you love stay in an abusive relationship, but it is virtually impossible to get them them out before they are ready to leave.

Until they make that decision for themselves, the most important thing you can do is stay in contact. Most abusers try to isolate their victims, especially from family. Regardless of how painful it is for you to see or talk to your sister, don't let her become isolated from you. Let her know, over and over and over again, that you are there for her. She needs to know that, should she ever have the courage to leave, she has a soft place to land.

Let her know that you will not be intimidated by her abuser. Even if you are frightened, be strong for your sister. Her abuser would like nothing more than for her family to abandon her, making her more dependent than ever. Her abuser may very well be telling her that if she ever tries to leave, her family will be targeted. Let her know that she is worth that risk to you. That doesn't mean that she is free to bring her abuser around you, move in with you, or subject you to unnecessary potential for harm, but she needs to know that when she really, truly, decides to get out, you will help her find a safe place to stay and you will not turn away from her.

Your sister is probably feeling powerless and unlovable. Reassure her that she has value, that she is loved, and that you will never change your mind in that regard, no matter how many times she repeats that same mistakes. With any luck, she will eventually start believing you and find the strength to get out.

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