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In a typical day, everyone makes dozens of decisions. Some are easy, some are hard; some have vital impact on later events, some are minor. By the time your child is an adult, he will need to be capable of making those everyday, major and minor, decisions. And the time to begin teaching him how to make those decisions is early, when the choices are minor and the repercussions of a "bad" choice are small.

Now, there are times as a parent when you simply need to be obeyed. Times when there is only one valid or feasible option, and there is no choice to be made. There is no choice to be offered about riding in the car seat, or about hitting other children. However, the vast majority of the decisions we make for our young children do not fall into that category. For most parents of toddlers, we are making every decision for them because we have had to make every decision for them since birth; the 8 month old probably can't tell you whether she'd rather have peas or carrots for lunch today. But the 18 month old can. And for choices like that - where either answer results in an equally healthy meal - this is the parent's opportunity to give the toddler some sense of control over their lives and some practice in making choices.

Some easy choices to give toddlers or preschool age children:
* The red shirt or the blue shirt? Or, for a child that dawdles even over that decision, will you pick your clothes or will Mommy pick? (This last choice helped my 5-year-old daughter learn the consequences of relinquishing control when I chose something she didn't want to wear. I insisted she wear it anyway, because she chose that I would pick.)
* The applesauce or the raisins for lunch? The peanut butter or the ham sandwich?
* Which book would you like me to read to you?
* Mommy to tuck you in or Daddy? (As long as the child sees no hurt feelings from either parent!)
* When possible, you can even give them control over the order of events. "Today, do you want to color at the table before we go to the grocery store, or after?"

For an older preschool or kindergartner, choices during errand running can make the errands go more smoothly. Before you know it, the child may be eagerly "helping" during the trip!
* Do you want to ride in the grocery cart or walk with me?
* Should we go to the bank or the dry cleaner's next?

As children age, they can be given choices with greater ramifications. By early grade school, you can add:
* Soccer or dance? Scouts or art class?
* Clothing choices that include their entire wardrobe.
* Which friends to invite over

This comes back to that old-fashioned rule of parenting advice: Pick your battles! If you don't have to fight with your child over what they wear or which healthy meal choice they pick, you might find that they don't feel a need to fight with you over the big issues - and even if they do, you'll won't have been worn down by all the little needless battles. And by the time they get to the big decisions - do I want that drug my friend just offered me? - there's a better chance they'll have built up enough confidence in their own decision-making skills make the right choice.

Learn more about this author, Jill Richards.
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