I wonder why now as an adult what it was my parents were even thinking. I was brought up on a very rough Council Estate and it was definitely the norm not to have money and to hear people argue and shout all the time,but did everyone need to be the same, were they trying to be more empowered than the next if they beat up there Kids.

I lived with my Mum,no father as my Mum would never tell me who he was, i also lived with my 2 Uncles and my Brother and my Grandma.

From as far back as i can think they would beat me, i was even told by my godmother that i was beaten when i was in my nappy just for wetting it,yes i know even i don't understand the logic behind that one or do I, i guess it was the fact that i was never wanted, i remember so many bad things, from being thrown down the stairs in the house about 4 or 5 times, having my head smacked up against a door frame because i had a nose bleed, well i bled more than that after wards i can tell you.

I used to be locked in my bedroom with my brother or without from about 6pm in the evening and because the rest of the family never got up until 12pm or 1pm the next day that it were i was kept prisoner,not allowed to go to the toilet and no way of escape as the bolt on the other side of the door would not unlock until they got out of bed.

I used to tell myself story's in my room but my Uncle would sneak up the stairs and if he heard me talking he would burst into the room remove my pajama bottoms and beat me with his belt but my brother would remain untouched.

I ran away so many times only to be caught,brought back and beaten so many beatings and then there were the bullies at school, there was no escape, i was being conditioned into being them and that was scary.

I never want to be the type of person that gets satisfaction and happiness from making someone else unhappy and hurt, i cant cry over what they have done to me no more because that doesn't change what they did and who they are.

But One person I did manage to change was me, but i still have one question.

Why Did They Beat Me?

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