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Confronting a cheating spouse

Adultery is an archaic word to many people. But whatever you decide to call it, it still means the same thing. When a spouse is unfaithful, it breaks a contract of promise and hope. This article will address a situation where one spouse cheated while the other spouse was innocent.

Confrontation

Make sure you have conclusive evidence before accusing your spouse of cheating. It would be wrong to start accusing an innocent spouse. Compile the facts before facing them. Some guilty spouses will admit to being unfaithful, but others will continue to lie. The cold, hard facts will usually stick more easily than the lies of a guilty spouse.

How to proceed

An innocent spouse will be faced with options once they have established that their spouse has been cheating on them. Are they willing to forgive their spouse? Or would they prefer to get a divorce? Each option is valid. Well meaning friends or family members should avoid trying to persuade the innocent spouse to stay or leave. It is a hard enough decision to make as it is, without outside interference too.

The attitude of the adulterous spouse

A deciding factor for many innocent spouses is their spouse's attitude once they have been found out. If they are defensive about their actions and try to blame others for their actions, then this reveals they are not sorry for what they have done. They are only concerned about being found out. The innocent spouse may then decide to end their marriage, based on their adulterous spouse's attitude.

Is the relationship over?

However sorry an adulterous person may appear to be, this will account for nothing if they are continuing the extra marital relationship. If they apologise and want to make another go of their marriage, make sure that the other relationship is over. An innocent spouse deserves to have an exclusive relationship with their spouse, not have to deal with the intrusion of another person in their marriage.

Sexually transmitted disease

An innocent spouse may have contracted a sexually transmitted disease from their unfaithful spouse. Would they want to continue in such a marriage? Some reason that ending the marriage will spare them from any further physical or emotional harm and that they would be better off. Again, this is a personal decision that needs to be made.

Pregnancy

If an adulterous spouse has become pregnant or fathered another woman's child, then the innocent spouse would be entitled to end the marriage. They are not responsible for raising another person's child, who has been conceived by their spouse, during the course of their marriage. To remain in such a marriage when pregnancy has occurred can be a constant reminder of the adultery and they may end up resenting the baby.

The couple's own children

It is not as easy to make a clean break when children are involved. Adultery can shatter a family. A couple must decide what would be best for the family. Living with an adulterous spouse can be very difficult, but some feel they have no other choice due to financial reasons. If they choose to stay, others should accept that. Over time, they may be able to rebuild their marriage.

Adultery involves much more than just a simple case of discovery, separation and divorce. For couples who do not have any children, it may well be like this. But for the vast majority of marriages, there are so many other factors to consider before deciding on whether to repair the marriage or to end it.

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