by Ethel Smith

Created on: April 16, 2007   Last Updated: May 18, 2007

My Mum's standing joke, when we were children was, 'When you marry, marry an orphan and you won't get any in-laws' Not strictly true I know but as adults I think we all understand the sentiment. When you marry you acquire a whole new extra family. Apart from the in-laws there are your partners uncles, aunts, nieces etc. For me I had far more in-laws than I ever had family which can be daunting initially. I think the key is to meet your new family half way.

Always remember to treat them with the respect you would like to have, and that you would give to your own family. Mutual respect should soon grow if you always behave in the correct manner.

Remember they love your partner and they have his or her best interests at heart, or at least they should have. If they want to see him or her happy they should be glad he or she has you, once they get to know you.

Try to befriend them rather seeing them as enemies. This is especially true of your Mother and father in law. I know relationships with relatives are at a different level but they should still be friendly.If you can get them on board it will help you all to bond.

Don't put them in the position of having to choose between you and your partner this is simply not fair. An example of this is don't involve in-laws in your arguments unless you really have to. The blood is thicker than water adage will mean that their view is biased and will put all of you in a difficult position.

Give your relationship with your partner's family time to grow. With all friends and partners in life, it takes time to get to know each other and understand each other properly.

Accept, as in your own family, that there will be some people you just can't take to. That's life I'm afraid.

Lastly try not to compete with your in-laws. This could be for your partners affection, time or attention. It's just not worth starting those tricks.

If you are unlucky, and marry a partner with the family from Hell, good luck, as you will need it. In this case it may be that minimal contact is the only solution. However never bad mouth your in-laws to your partner as he or she will just never see the problem

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