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"Banishing Boredom (How Your Idle Hands Keep Mine Busy)"
by Beelzebub (aka the Devil)

As you know, I rarely publish anything under my own name - though I have been a "ghostwriter" on many occasions. In the first place, I don't need the fame or notoriety anymore. I do play a pretty prominent part in the best selling book of all time, after all. If I'd had my way, of course, I would have been the main character. Apparently, thinking that way is what got me and all my evil friends thrown out of Heaven.

In any case, all things considered, it turned out for the best as far as I'm concerned. My time as one of the head hotshots up there was alright while it lasted. Heaven's not a bad place really. But with angels, heavenly choirs and all that eternal peace and harmony, it can get pretty boring. Can you really blame me for trying to stir things up a little? It's what I do.

So, imagine how pleased I was to discover that the earth is full of beings like you who also get easily bored - and just can't stand it. Sure, you like peace, safety, security, comfort and all that, especially when you don't have much of it. But, let's face it. Once you get too much of that stuff, you're like me. You need a little excitement. You'll gladly trade all that other stuff in just to get some of it. Almost anything is more tolerable than boredom.

Thanks to you, I never get bored and my hands are never idle. Putting your idle hands to work keeps me active, interested and excited all the time. You see, I know all too well that the so-called "Big Guy" up there didn't create you to be idle. Fortunately for me, He made you in such a way that being idle for any length of time will eventually drive you nuts.

Of course, He still cherishes crazy dreams that, instead of being idle and bored, you will get out there and do something for Him and your fellow creatures - you know, feed the hungry, visit the sick and dying and all that constructive, creative stuff. Though, occasionally, He does manage to convince a few of you that there is some joy in all that, I am far too good at what I do to let that kind of thinking get much of a foothold on the planet that He seems to have left pretty much in my hands. He can't get it through his head that most of you don't consider that stuff exciting. I've got a much better, much more interesting offer for you. Starting a juicy rumour, stealing a car, starting a fight, maybe even a war, stirring the pot somewhere, somehow, a little adultery, a little intrigue, some sex and violence - now that's excitement!

That's why I never get tired of roaming about among you, creating havoc everywhere that I can. That's why I love whispering in your bored, jaded ears, "Go ahead. Live a little. Live on the edge. Just do it." Of course, not all of you listen. If you did, my work would get boring and I'd have to find another way to keep myself distracted. But plenty of you do listen. The more bored you are, the better chance I have to get you out there creating some havoc along with the rest of my disciples. When I'm really on my game, all hell breaks loose. Then, I make myself a spicy Caesar and sit back to watch you go to it. Now that's entertainment!

Bored? Looking for a little excitement and fun? You know where to find me. I can help. Trust me. I promise you a really hot time.

Your friend, the Banisher of Boredom
The Devil

Learn more about this author, Ron Hughes.
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