by Mary Paliescheskey

Created on: April 16, 2007   Last Updated: April 23, 2007

The normal reaction to a newborn by a sibling is curiosity. Jealousy and competition for attention can be avoided by giving the older child attention and praise for their helpfulness. Everyone in the family needs time to adjust to their new roles. Your child will need help in finding his place.

It is important to the bonding process of family that the other siblings do not feel replaced by the new baby. Early communication about the expected arrival and how newborns behave will be very important. Talk to the children about what a newborn can and can not do. Make a game out of what a baby can do on the birthing day. Can a baby cry? YES. Can a baby walk? NO. Explain that crying is the baby's only way of communicating and part of their 'job' is to help the baby learn to talk. The best way to do that is to talk to the baby. Another job' you can give to your child is to show the baby all the new things that they haven't seen yet. After the baby arise, be sure that both mom and dad have special time to spend just with the older child. Spending time alone with your older child will really reduce the amount of jealousy felt by your child toward the newborn.

Encourage your older children to talk about their feelings. Everyone has good days and bad days. Some days they will be upset that they have a new baby in the house. Even if they say they don't want a baby. They may even say that they hate the baby. You may be upset by this, but do not negate their feelings. Their feelings are their feelings. You respond by saying I can understand how you might feel that way, but we have a new member to the family and we will make this work. Encourage participation. There are many things that your children might not like to do, but do end up enjoying.

The older children can welcome the new baby in many ways. Encourage the children to mimic your behavior by talking to baby, watching the changes as baby grows and helping with caring for the babies needs. When the baby cries ask your child what they think the baby might need. If age permits, have the children assist in newborn care. Children can try to fetch diapers, clean cloths, a blanket, or a toy. Participation will be received as partnership instead of being replaced. It is very important that the bond of love is seen as encompassing the newborn and siblings together with mom. Give your older child a sense of having a new place in the family. Their new place has a lot of privileges; they have become a big brother/big sister.

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