by Allison Whitehead

Created on: April 15, 2007   Last Updated: April 23, 2007

The ingredients required for this recipe will vary depending on the personality traits of each family member, but some are (or should be) universal to every family:

- honesty
- trust
- respect

Of these, respect is probably the most important. Everyone makes their own lifestyle choices, and however hard these may be for us to accept, so long as they're legal we should respect them and allow each and every person to live the life that makes them happy.

There's often a temptation to try and get our kids to live out our own unfulfilled dreams but the best you can do for them (and for any other family member) is to respect their ambitions and encourage and support them wherever you can.

I've lost both my parents now, and some people think I've had dreadful bad luck to have lost my mum when I was eleven (she was just forty nine) and my dad when I was twenty eight (he was sixty eight). Yes it was incredibly rough and yes I still miss them both immensely - I'm thirty four now - but in the time they were here they encouraged, supported and accepted me for who I am. They helped to shape me into the person I am today, without being pushy in any way, shape or form.

I can remember my mum suggesting ideas for stories I could write when I was just five or six, and beginning to show my lifelong love of writing. And I remember my dad encouraging me in the face of all the rejections I racked up on my way towards publication. He had total faith I would do it.

I'm still benefiting from their love and support even now they're gone. So you see if you can strive towards a happy family life by being loving, supportive and respectful of each other, those gifts keep on giving even after people pass on.

You aren't always going to agree with your relatives, but why be constantly butting heads when it's not going to get you anywhere?

Agree to disagree.

Respect each other's differences - they're what makes you human.

We can all learn lessons from each other, and the lives of our family members are chock full of lessons we can learn.

Every day of our lives.

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