by Ashley Shea

Created on: April 15, 2007   Last Updated: January 19, 2009

While a gay/lesbian relationship has the sames ups and downs as a heterosexual relationship, there's one difference that we have to keep in mind. No matter how confident we are in ourselves and in our relationship, we live in a society where the majority does not value our relationships.

I am lucky to work in an office where my boss is a lesbian, there are a few gay and lesbian co-workers, and most people seem to be supportive. If I mention that my partner isn't feeling well, people ask about her the next day. My boss understands if I need to come in late because I need to go with her to the doctor. Her boss understood why she needed to take off work when my brother and my father died.

If you don't work in a supportive environment, you may feel like you have to make excuses or live a double life. Living behind even just a few white lies is difficult. When I have been in such a situation, I was always nervous that I would get "caught." It added to the stress of the job, which affected how I felt in general.

Any kind of stress can affect your relationship. Stress is what leads you to take things out on others. You are more likely to feel on edge, yell at other drivers on the road, or act out in ways you wouldn't normally.

If it isn't an unsupportive work environment that gives you stress, it may be the family dance you have to play, or the pretense you have to keep up with neighbors or your children's friends or parents or any number of other people in your life.

Because gay/lesbian couples are more likely to have additional stress, give yourself a break. If your partner snips at you when he/she comes home from work, ignore it. Your partner may just be letting off a little steam. Don't make it into anything more.

Find ways to de-stress together. Go to the park, visit your local gay/lesbian bookstore, get a massage, light some candles and take a bath together.

Anything you can do to bring the tension down will help reduce the built-up stress. And with less stress, you are less likely to snip at each other.

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