by Linda J Banks

Created on: April 14, 2007   Last Updated: June 25, 2010

When you have a child of your own, you can make the rules!

How many times have I heard that from my own parents. I always swore to myself that I would treat my kids differently, more fairly and would not be mean to them. Of course - that was from a perspective of a teenager not getting what she wanted! I was convinced my parents were stupid and uncaring as I was growing up. They wouldn't let me stay out too late, I had to go to church, they wouldn't buy me everything I wanted and I had to get good grades. When I complained, I heard, "When you have a child of your own, you can make the rules!"

Well - I did - have children that is. I had two boys, in my twenties. It's amazing how smart my parents suddenly became as I faced the same challenges with my children as they faced with me. Yes, I do think I treat my kids a little different than my parents treated me, but not because I changed the "rules." I think it's just a sign of the changing times - different issues that face the teens of today versus issues facing me as I was growing up.

It's also said that one should not judge another until he or she has walked in their shoes. It's amazing how clearly I see that now. The times I got grounded or told "no" were not an attempt to hurt me or to be mean. NO was said when the idea I had was stupid, unthoughtful or just plain dangerous. Being made to meet commitments and obligations was not uncaring or unfair. It was a way to teach me how to live in the real-world with employers, the IRS and the water company handing out deadlines that have to be met.

As I raise my children, I still have many of the same rules for my children as my parents had for me. Yes, some are different due to my own personal style, but also due to a blend of parenting styles between me and my husband. I am now a firm believer in rules that ensure that our children grow up to be healthy, well-adjusted and self-sufficient adults.

So - I only have this to say to my own parents - "THANK YOU - everything you did for me was appreciated, even if years later!"

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