So you think you wanna be in a relationship? Thinking it's time to commit to that special someone? Forsake all others and all that jazz? Can I offer a piece of advice? There's a train boarding at 2:15. Be under it.

"Understanding relationships" can't be done. Others, maybe, but the one you are in or considering? Nope, sorry, Sport. Let's just get that out of the way, shall we? Einstein's theory of relativity does not apply here. Superman and Lois Lane: brains, beauty, sub-human strength, and investigative journalism couldn't pull it off, how can we? Okay, it's not you, it's me. I'll admit I am just a little bitter. But in a good, mature way.

The only thing I honestly do understand about relationships is this: that cute little thing that your Sweetie does? Given some time it won't be nearly as cute. It will make you nauseous . You will wonder for hours what ever possessed you to find that one particular quirk so endearing in the first place. You'll also wonder if you put just a teeny tiny touch of poison in the coffee every day would it over time take him out, or will he build up a tolerance, and would it ever show up in the autopsy? Or maybe that's just a Lifetime movie flashback, sorry.

Remember that whatever this person's quirk is, magnified and repeated over months or years will indeed drive you insane. Think it's oh so cute that they retain movie quotes? Yeah, not so much. Think their rabid team loyalty is an honorable thing? Think it's adorable how they pick out green beans at the grocery- one at a time? Do they like to hug the line while driving? ONLY listen to one band? Snore (in a cute way)? Watch how "chatty" becomes "never friggin' shuts up", and "careful with the budget" becomes "cheap as hell". It's magic, folks. The magic of relationships.

You can't understand it, it's beyond explanation. What attracts you will repel you. Unless your habits and quirks are exactly like mine. I'm still adorable. Wanna have lunch?

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