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There were so many times as a teenager that I would look at my mom and tell her that when I was I parent, I would never be like her. And she would just smile, as if she had some big secret, and assure me that I could raise my children anyway I thought was best. Of course, my sulking never succeeded in changing her mind about the decisions she made. And for that I'm grateful.

When I had my first child, I was still of the opinion that I knew better than my mother, and I would do things completely different. There were some things that I managed to change, and I believe they were positive changes. But for the most part, I have walked as a parent in the footsteps of my mother.

I will never forget the first time that I stopped cold and said, "Oh my God, I can't believe I did that!" Or how many times there was something I wanted to do, but couldn't, because it just wasn't possible. I can't believe how many times my children have said things to me and, in my mind, twenty years melted away, and it was me and my mother all over again. There are so many things she told me would happen that I insisted would never happen to me. But they did.

As a child, and especially a teenager, I didn't like most of the things my mother did. I was angry with her for a very long time. I regret that now because she passed away when I was only 25, before I really had the chance to taste fully the joys and trials of parenthood. I never got the chance to tell her, "Ok, Mom, I still don't like some of the things you did, but I understand now why you did them." I never had the chance to tell her how sorry I am for always believing she was wrong. I never got to tell her thank you for doing them anyway.

Now, when my own kids tell me my decisions make no sense and that they will raise their children completely different, I just smile (because I have the big secret now) and assure them that they can raise their children anyway they think best. And just in case I'm not around when they finally figure it all out, I have already forgiven them for always believing that I'm wrong.

Learn more about this author, Carol Wohlfeil.
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