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plays a vital part in the process however none of them are any use unless you allow them into your life and let them help.

Curl up and cry. Sometimes in the midst of tough times there is little more you can do but wrap a blanket around you, curl up on your bed with a hot chocolate and cry. When this happens then let it happen. There is no point in fighting off that feeling and trying to have a stiff upper lip when what you really need is to just cry. Crying is an outlet. It is a way to let those stored feelings move through and out of your system so that you can be free to get on with life.

Change what can be changed, accept what can not be changed and remove yourself from situations when you can.

Alcohlics Anonymous and other 12 step programmes use a small but powerful prayer. I quote it here for the readers benefit.

The Serenity Prayer

God,
Grant me the Serenity
to Accept the things
I cannot change
The Courage
to change the things I can
And the Wisdom
to know the difference.

You do not need to be an alcoholic or drug user or suffer from a mental illness for this prayer to apply to you and you can change the word God to a word that better suits your belief system. This prayer is just as effective if you are asking the Universe, the Goddess, or Allah.

This prayer works both ways. Serenity can bring us to a point of acceptance. Acceptance of circumstances and situations that can not be changed brings with it a serenity. Courage helps you change things that need changing, and changing things gives you courage. Knowing the difference brings you wisdom and wisdom helps you to know the difference.

Surviving is not enough! There is a great deal of literature around that helps those who have lived through abuse to identify themselves as survivors. I would extend this to say surviving is only the first step, recognising your ability to survive is the second step, and moving on is the third step.

It is right to stop and look back and recognise your survival skills, to see how you came through horrid situations and developed coping mechanisms to assist you along the way. It is right to celebrate your survival. It is right to know how you coped and what your survival mechanisms are but that is not as far as you can and should go. You need to go that one step further and move beyond mere suvival.

When the ugly head of past pains rises up it may make you suddenly feel old feelings over again. Recognise these old feelings as just that, old feelings that are attached to old situations that are now gone, over, finished. Acknowledge these feelings, acknowledge your strengths and coping abilities that brought you through that, then bring your attention back to the present. Return your thoughts to the here and now.

Spend your energy where it is going to earn interest. Placing energy in old situations, old places, and old experiences is spending it in the wrong direction. Spend forward. When you feel your energy being drained backwards, stop. Return your attention to the present and the immediate future and spend your energy forward.

Energy follows attention. Where you place your attention that is where your energy is going. So shift your attention and spend your energy forward.

When life hits you hardest that is when you know you are really alive. When you come out the other side that is when you know you have graduated from the College of Hard Knocks.

Learn more about this author, Cheryl O'Brien.
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