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associated with the loss of a relationship, loss of social standing, loss of a career, moving house, loss of a loved possession and any other form of loss. People go through grief following any loss. The loss does not have to be real it can be a perceived loss. If you feel a loss it is a loss even if those around you do not see it as such.

During times of grief it is important to use your support network. A support network is the framework that surrounds you. The various people, pets and activities such as hobbies, exercise, and work, in your life that offer comfort, advice, a listening ear, or a distraction from your problems.

It is just as important to understand that not everyone in your support network will see your loss the way you do but those people are still important parts of your support network.

People and activities who do offer little more than distraction can be the most useful parts of your support network at the most stressful times. This was brought home to me when laying in a hospital bed a week after my son's funeral while my infant daughter lay in a hospital bed in the intensive care unit two floors away from me. Two young men from my support network arrived at my bedside. They didn't bring flowers or sympathy cards or get well cards, they didn't do any of the 'usual' things that people do in such circumstances. Instead they spent two hours flirting openly with me and telling the most awful and disgusting jokes and basically making me laugh. This was such a change from the usual hospital visits I recieved that it offered me a chance to momentarily forget all the tragedy that was in my life and just be a woman having fun with her friends.

Coping with tragedy is a bit like flying a plane when you have never flown before. You want so much to land the plane safely but you have no idea how to do it. Some parts of your support network will include people who will take care of the practical things in your life while you deal with your grief. These are the engines of your plane that keep you moving. Work, hobbies and inescapable responsibilities create a framework that holds you in a kind of holding pattern while you figure out how to land the plane. Those who offer a distraction will take your mind off how dangerous the whole process is and give you some confidence to get on with the job. Those who listen to you and offer advice is like the control tower helping you land the plane on the runway in the best way you can manage. Each part of your network

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