Meddling parents can definitely put undue strain on a relationship, and if the couple avoids discussing this issue it can quickly get out of control. A common source of tension in marriages is when a man feels torn between the feelings of his wife and his mother. This can be a very tricky situation for the wife because there is a fine line between letting your husband know what is bothering you and making him feel like he has to defend his mother.

When a man has a close relationship with his mother, especially one where she still feels she needs to take care of him, it can blur the line between the roles of his wife and mother in his life. A specific example of this tension is when there is debate as to whose role it is to decorate the house that the couple live in. A friend of mine has a mother-in-law who clearly thinks this is her role in her son's life. The mother-in-law is a semi-retired interior decorator and therefore the couple frequently asked her for advice when decorating their own home. She was always happy to help and her help was greatly appreciated.

The tension began when she decided to offer her help when it wasn't asked for. Since the mother-in-law had a key to the couple's home she started coming over when the couple was at work to see if there was anything she could do. One day in particular the couple returned home from a Christmas trip to find that she had taken down their tree and all their decorations while they were gone. The wife was extremely upset and disappointed because she had not had much time to enjoy the decorations and was looking forward to seeing them again. She also had a special way that she liked to pack all of her ornaments. But more than anything else she was simply hurt that she felt her role as wife was being questioned and that her mother-in-law did not feel she could take care of the house herself. Not only had the decorations been taken down but the living room furniture had been re-arranged.

The husband in this situation didn't think there was anything wrong with what his mother had done. He thought it was very nice of her to help them. He was so used to being taken care of by his mother that he failed to realize how it might be bothering his wife. His wife ultimately had a serious discussion with him and asked him to think about her feelings. He listened to her perspective and agreed to ask his mother not to change things without asking them.

The point is that many times men are not even aware that their parents are meddling. This is why the wife has to approach the subject delicately, but it does ultimately have to be discussed. Start by telling your husband that you think its very sweet that his mother wants to offer her time and effort for them. Explain to him that you do still enjoy her input, but be clear that you wish she would ask first before she changed things. While he may become defensive at first, if you are specific about why the behavior hurts your feelings he will be more likely to understand. This is certainly a topic that is not enjoyable to discuss, but if the subject is avoided the behavior will only continue and the tension will eventually come between the couple.

Learn more about this author, Addison Waller.
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