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I am a mother. I have two boys. it has crossed my mind that, someday, each of my sons will meet a woman who will take her rightful place beside them. I pray often for the perfect mate for each son, for she will not just become his wife, each will be the mothers to my grandchildren. The thought also crosses my mind of what my own relationship with each woman will be. I believe that when a man leaves his home to marry, that his wife becomes the priority; it will no longer be me. I want to honor my daughter-in-laws, and so I have spent time thinking of how to set and follow some healthy boundaries. Reflecting on personal experience and observing the relationships around me, I came up with a few suggestions for the daughter/son-in-law that wants to improve their relationship with the mother-in-law.

1. MEDDLING

If she meddles, speak up. Ignoring it will eventually build up frustration and make you even less tolerant. Don't be cruel about it, but sit her down and have a heart-to-heart. Ask her how she dealt with it when her own mother-in-law did it to her (and it most likely happened). She may not even realize she is meddling, but complaining to your spouse about it won't make it better and it will put him or her in the middle.

2. BE OPEN

Allow your mother-in-law to give advice to you sometimes. You don't have to take it, but a) you may learn something new, and b) she will feel appreciated. Let her know that you appreciate her concern, and you will take it into consideration. If it is a constant thing for her to offer advice, talk to her and let her know that it is nice to hear her perspective once in awhile however, when it is a constant occurrence, it causes you to feel that you do nothing right in her eyes. Quite often I am certain they do not realize they are doing it, it has just become habit with good intentions.

3. GAIN PERSPECTIVE

Keep in mind that this woman raised your spouse and has somewhat of a vested interest in his or her life. That does not give your mother-in-law the right to call the shots or to know every detail, but it will help you understand where her concern comes from. This way, you will come up with the best way to handle each situation out of love, not offense.

4. HONOR HER

Do not speak badly of her in front of your children. That is their grandmother, and like it or not, they love her. If you disrespect or dishonor her in front of them they may feel caught in the middle, or they may even take offense for one or both of you. The

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