by A.R. Marth

Created on: April 13, 2007   Last Updated: April 23, 2007

Stop wasting your time.

No, I'm serious.

You are single. This is not a bad thing. Maybe you are bitter about past relationships that have gone sour? Leave them in the past.

Maybe you are bitter about the lack of relationships in your past? See above.

You are single. You have the freedom to decide where and with whom you will do what, and when. Doesn't make sense? Read on.

Being bitter can be incredibly funny, when seen on TV. In reality, it is draining. It makes for an air of desperation, and becomes a vicious cycle of fruitless anger and loneliness. Breaking out of this pattern is the best way to move on with your life, and either find happiness alone, or with a new partner.

You have the freedom; you have now got the rare opportunity to decide what you do and do not want to do with your time. Your first step should be to put this freedom to good use. Read the books your friends recommended last year, the ones you haven't had time to get to. Go to a club or bar you've never been to before. Listen to music you've never heard. Decide who you are, and what it is you enjoy.

Lose weight, or gain it. Shift your body around-nobody will mind. Get new clothes, new hair, or a new tattoo. Buy bubble bath. Light candles. Eat luscious fruits. Find out how you like to be treated, and treat yourself.

If lack of contact is making you bitter or grumpy, get a massage. Go to the day spa. Try the hot stones, or the loofah facial, or something ridiculous you've never heard of. Your body will crave touch the way it craves food, or sunshine. Go and get touched in a safe setting.

Sit in the sun on the library steps. Watch people. Read. Go alone to a cafe with a book. Find the things you enjoy doing, and do them more often. You're single. There is no reason to do anything you don't enjoy, and no reason not to do what you like.

You are single. Sex may be an issue. If you don't want casual sex, buy yourself a good vibrator. Babes in Toyland has a feminist attitude and an excellent selection. It's better to shop at a woman-owned store like this; you won't be leered at. The selection in stores like this, or at Good Vibrations on line, are products that work for women's needs.

If you do want casual sex, ask for it. No, really. Ask a man out on a date. You don't have to sleep with him unless you decide you'd like to. Start talking to men, finding out who they are, and ask for what you want. Be very clear with your needs.

If you ask men to do something specific sexually, they will usually be glad to

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