No child is born a bully. Some children, whose own world, in their eyes, is fractured or twisted in some way, evolve into one.
Why?

Fear and a need to control tend to be the immediate reasons often cited when explaining a bully's behaviour.Their tactics range from emotional intimidation to actual physical confrontation and even violent challenge and physical contact.

But why is there a sense of fear? Why is there an aggressive need to control?

Amazingly, the common denominator, the reason for bullying stems from poor self-esteem. To create some sense of self-worth, the bully adopts a power stance with others.

And so the 'why' thread continues. Why should a bully have a particularly low level of self-esteem? The bully is often a strong, 'extrovert' personality. Yet, secretly, the bully lacks faith in his or her image or abilities. Those abilities may be anything from social popularity, to educational or sporting achievement. The result? FIGHT! Fighting is a show of strength and power when other skills may fail the bully.

And who is the easiest target? So there is almost guaranteed satisfaction? The answer is the 'introvert' personality, the gentler creature, the quietly different one, the 'goody-2-shoes'.

It is destructive, (maybe even perpetuating the problem), to look for blame in the family environment. It is far more constructive to encourage the bully to develop pride in himself or herself - without 'stealing' the pride of others.

What can he or she do in his own right? Often, a bully is quite adept at public speaking. The need to draw attention and control has a far more healthy outlet here. Let the bully feel responsible for particular speaking occasions.

On the sporting field, encourage the bully to be part of a team. Even encourage the bully by saying "If you show responsibility and team spirit you may have a chance to lead the team!" This would be a bully's skill!

Slowly...very slowly, you may see the bully become a child again...

Learn more about this author, Gemma Wiseman.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.

---

Add your voice

Know something about What makes a child become a bully?
We want to hear your view. Write now!