by Linda J Banks

Created on: April 13, 2007   Last Updated: April 25, 2007

"I Don't Care!"

When those words come out of your child's mouth, what he is really saying is he thinks YOU don't or shouldn't care. When this happens, it's easy to become very upset at the illogical thinking your child is engaging in.

But - I think it's extremely important to remain calm and remind yourself that you are the parent and more mature than the child standing before you. What seems to work best is for you to stress several key points:

YOU CARE! Your children, although an immature yet independent person, are part of your family unit and their choices and behaviors impact the rest of the family. Sometimes, your kids just want to hear "I love you no matter what" and get a hug. Kids have short attention spans and need to be reassured that they are loved and cared for. This helps to show him what kind of love he needs to show himself.

PUSH FOR THE BEST! Your children want to know that you want the best for him. They need to hear that, although you will love and accept unconditionally, you will want him to grow into a self-sufficient, capable adult. The lessons they learn today assist him in that endeavor. The old adage of "being the best you can be" fits in here. No matter what my child determines he will be as he grows up, you need to encourage him to put his best effort forward and be happy and responsible doing it.

RECOGNIZE INDEPENDENCE:
Kids test your limits. That's a normal part of growing up. They start spending less time with you and more time creating their own identity. Recognize that they are their own person and not just a reflection of you. Encourage their own interests, even if it may not be your interest. Put your time and effort into helping them become their own person.

EXPECT RESPECT!
Last but not least, as your child states that he doesn't care, you must stand your ground as the parent. Tell him that certain behaviors are not acceptable in your home. Once he turns 18, moves out on his own and supports himself, then he can make more decisions. But - until then, he must respect your authority in the house. That's the way it is. No ifs, ands or buts - stand your ground. Anything less than respectful behavior should not be tolerated, but in a loving way.

Your job as a parent is not to be your child's best friend or best party buddy. Your job is to ensure that your child grows up to be an independent, self-sufficient adult who can take care of his responsibilities in an mature manner. In order to do this, your child needs to know he's loved and cherished without question, but also recognizes the limits you set within your home. This helps him to know how to love and cherish himself, yet recognize the socially acceptable limitations.

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