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Proper Rules for a Bar Brawl

1) Eye contact must be made first accompanied by the traditional "What" upwards nod of the head.
2) Next would be the arms spread out with the palms up and a "What are you lookin at?"
3) At this point you may aggressively advance towards your adversary. This must be accompanied by a substantial amount to sh*t talking (preferably with slurred speak to show the amount of alcohol you have consumed)

4) Once you are toe to toe with said adversary any item not nailed to the bar floor is considered a fair weapon (pools balls/cues and beer bottles preferred)
5) When the skirmish reaches physical interaction make sure to get in as many dodgy shots as you can.
6) You must involve as many of your friends and innocent bystanders as possible.
7) Biting and scratching are tolerated but eye gouging and head butts are preferred (anything not resulting in a fair amount of damage will not be tolerated)
8) When you hear the anticipated cry "Cops are comin", you must make a swift and stealthily exit making sure to leave behind as many of your friends as possible.
9) The next day you are in no way allowed to admit any memory of the previous evening's events (even if you remember every second). If you do this will lead to a large debt involving you buying exorbitant rounds of alcohol for all of your friends that were left behind.

Learn more about this author, Darlin Jo.
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