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Of all the pubs in all the world, you had to enter mine
I Won't permit your passive smoke
It makes my patrons gag and choke
I cater for the normal bloke
So kindly toe the line

Of all the pubs in 'Chestycough' my local this would be
I don't accept your smoking rule
To me abstention would be cruel
I know my rights, I'm not a fool
Just make a part 'smoke free'

Of all the drinkers that I have,why must I bow to you
I'm serving bar and buffet food
To make them breathe your smoke is rude
It puts none smokers off their food
When they have had a few

I thought this was a drinking bar and not a doctors clinic
If beer drinkers pay their bill
Despite the fact they're getting ill
Why can't they merely smoke their fill
Forgive me I'm a cynic

It is a Drinking House my man, and no I don't supply
The undertaker with dead meat
Tobaccoholics have to beat
Their cravings here while others eat
So why not have a try

You've lost my custom that's for sure,the nearby 'Blackened Lung'
Provides for smokers old and new
Has atmosphere that's thick and blue
A free spittoon placed by the loo
and smokers you're among

Goodbye then sir, I'll not despair, My custom will not fail
Take your tobacco out of here
Leave my patrons in good cheer
For loss of you I'll shed no tear
Next week I'm banning ale!

Learn more about this author, Stephen Stirk.
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