by Gena Reddoch

Created on: April 11, 2007   Last Updated: February 05, 2011

Coping with in-laws can be difficult, but it needn't get ugly. When we think of in-laws, we tend to think of mothers and fathers-law. But don't forget, they consider you the in-law.

I never fully appreciated my mother and father-in-law until after I became a mother-in-law myself. Suddenly, I saw things from a whole different perspective!

Having spent some time on both sides of the fence, I have learned that there are a few basic things to remember that make coping (on both sides) easier.

1. Never, ever, bad-mouth your spouse to their mother or father. Chances are, they know their son or daughter's short-comings as well as you do, and they don't need to be reminded. Remember that this is their child, and even if they make disparaging comments, they don't want you to! The same goes for bad-mouthing your son or daughter's spouse. For whatever reason, they have chosen to share their life with this person, and if you love your son or daughter, you will spare them your negative thoughts and feelings.

2. Unless it is truly life-shattering, don't discuss the conflicts you and your spouse have with your in-laws. They are only human, and they love their children very, very much. It will be hard for them not to make judgments and take sides, if not openly, then internally. The same goes for discussing conflicts with your daughter or son-in-law.

3. Respect your in-laws as adults. They have some redeeming qualities, even if you can't see them. You don't have to like them, but you do have to be respectful. Do this for the sake of any children involved, and for the sake of the person that binds you to them by love and the law.

4. Remember that we are all better off having people who love us, who have our best interests at heart, and who will be there for us no matter what. Your parents-in-law love your spouse...be happy that he or she has them to give them that love. Your daughter or son-in-law loves your son or daughter. Appreciate that about them, and be thankful that they have an additional person who cares about them.

Learn more about this author, Gena Reddoch.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.