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Siblings without rivalry: Tips for respectful relationships among siblings

It is very easy for siblings to fall into the category of sibling rivalry' and it will exist to some degree no matter how good-natured each is. Rivalry often comes from jealousy, and jealousy as we know is not an emotion but rather the catalyst of an emotion and perhaps uncovering the emotion and dealing with it is sound advice.

I came from a family of three; we are I believe a typical family, somewhat dysfunctional, since I do not believe in a perfect' world. My father worked, my mother worked and we had the best that they could afford.

An ideal' perfect' family, or so they would have us believe by 50's television, would be ecstatically happy and sibling rivalry would be non-existent. I am not convinced those families live in the real world, although I have not researched the subject enough to draw a fair conclusion and if you fall into the category of the perfect' family you'd have no motive to read this piece of writing. However I did not, I came from a family where father had his favorite, mother had hers, and the third was left out, but in spite of all that, we still get along. Now I am not saying that we did not or do not fight, we do, no one is perfect. I am just grateful that the occasional fist flying over a favorite car or a broken doll does not happen anymore.

First word of advice, pick your battles.

Respect is an important factor, respect for the individual and realizing that each of us are individuals, realizing that even though we may have all come from the same gene pool, we aren't the same. I do not always agree with my siblings, but I do respect their right to make choices for whatever reason, as long they respect my right to do the same. That is not saying I will not air my opinion, but I am cautious of how I do. How we talk to someone can make all the difference in the world. Father always said, "You'll get more with honey then you will with vinegar."

Communication, sometimes even the difficult matters needs to addressed from time to time, especially when it involves a family decision and as my mother is getting on in years, I find this to be more prevalent. Talk to your siblings as you would like them to talk to you, courtesy is often contagious.

Understanding, there is a saying, walk a mile in my shoes. Try it you would be surprised how it can change how you view some matters. Realize that even if their choices are not yours they are the best choices they can make for themselves. Right or wrong is usually a point of view.

Throughout my childhood, my parents and relatives conveyed one message to us and I am going to leave it as my closing thought to you.

"One day they may be all you have."

It is a great piece of advice, and if you have ever had the luck of having to realize it, you would agree. I have, and each of us is fortunate for remembering it.

Learn more about this author, 'Ali Al-Andalus.
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