by Marcia J

Created on: April 09, 2007   Last Updated: May 17, 2007

Something about seeing a pregnant woman or a woman with children compels people to offer unsolicited advice. It is hard enough to know what is the right thing to do without everyone putting their two cents in. So many parents are insecure and take what others say personally, which makes them start to doubt themselves and their parenting ability.

I have found that the best way to handle this depends on the situation. If a stranger in the supermarket comments "it's cold out, he should have a hat on, shouldn't he?" I simply smile and say "he's fine, thanks." If I were to get a more rude type of comment like "you feed your baby formula? Breastfeeding is better," I would say something like "I'm sorry, I don't remember asking for your opinion." The important thing to remember here is that strangers don't know you well enough to pass judgment. Every baby and every situation is different, and people sometimes need to be reminded that their opinion about your parenting style is neither wanted nor valued. There is no need to defend your decisions to strangers. Just try to blow these people off politely so as to avoid a bigger conflict.

When the criticism comes from someone close to you, however, it can be more difficult. You may not want to hurt your friend's feelings when she offers advice that you don't want to take. In this situation you could say something like "thanks for your input, that's something to think about." Then you can choose not to follow the advice if you don't agree with it. If your friend is persistent, then you may want to defend yourself and back up your decision by saying the pediatrician recommended it or that you got it from another reliable source.

Mothers and sisters also like to give advice, and the same applies here: listen, acknowledge the advice, and then make your own decision. It is hard to remember sometimes that they mean well. They want to pass on things they learned the hard way, in an attempt to make your life easier. If the person offering the advice is someone you trust, give it some careful consideration, because often they do know what they are talking about. This doesn't necessarily mean you should follow the advice, just consider their point of view.

No matter what the situation, remember that there is no one right way to raise children, and as long as your children are thriving, you're doing fine. It is hard to have confidence when so many people criticize so often, but remember that you know your children better than anyone, and you are the best judge of what is best for them.

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