2 of 20

Write now Article Tools

Hearts are best repaired with duct tape and a little love, or so a friend recently told me. And I think he just might be right. I've said this before, when you're dating in your 30s and 40s you've been through some crap. You've had your heart stomped on and broken into a million little pieces. And still here we are trying again to muddle through the dating world. Some of us have been at it a little while. Others have just found themselves thrust back into the dating world. Either way, whether we admit it or not, we're all probably just a little bit scared. We're just scared for different reasons.

There are those who are scared of new relationships driven by the fear that they'll be hurt again. That they'll make the same mistakes, and that they'll find themselves in exactly the same place again. That fear is mind numbing, and it is ever present. It never leaves. It's not like a fear of spiders or snakes that just appears whenever you run into one of those creatures. It becomes a part of you like breathing and sleeping, and you can't seem to escape it even when you might want to. Some try to get past it, mostly unsuccessfully. It's kind of like going to the swimming pool on a hot day. All you can think about is how good the cool water is going to feel. You get to the pool, stick a toe in, and yank it right back out again. Damn that water's cold! This is not unlike dating. You meet someone, you connect, enjoy each other's company, and then the fear kicks in and you yank your toe right back out of the water. The risk of getting hurt is too great. The fear freezes you. You have to really think about jumping in and, even though you might really want to, you just can't. The fear takes over and that's the end of that.

Then there are the rest of us. Fear of getting hurt? Sure it's there, but we're willing to take the risk. Why? Because the fear of missing out on something incredible far outweighs the fear of getting hurt. We go to the pool, stick our toe in, and yank it out. But then we realize how good that water is going to feel once we're in. So in we go. We know that initially it's going to be ice cold but that we'll get used to it and it's going to be awesome. Again, it's the same as dating. You meet someone, you connect, you enjoy each other's company. And yes, the fear kicks in, but you know that even though there's a risk, the pros far outweigh the cons. What's the worst that can happen? We'll get hurt again? Damn straight we could. And if we do, we break out the duct tape, surround ourselves with the people who love us and put our hearts back together again. Oh hell yeah it hurts!

So I guess we find ourselves with a choice. We can let the fear control us and risk losing the most amazing 'what could have been' ever leaving us alone to live with the fear another day. Or we can kick the fear in the ass, break out the duct tape just in case, and explore the possibilities of 'what could be.'

Learn more about this author, Lisaq.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.

Add your voice

Know something about Fear of commitment ?
We want to hear your view. Write now!