by Barbara Desmond

Created on: April 06, 2007   Last Updated: April 12, 2007

It really sucks to be trying to sleep when the upstairs neighbors are going at it in their extremely squeaky bed and the giggles don't help any. It's no picnic when someone is trying to sing but it sounds more like a cat being murdered.

1. Place a pizza order and have it sent to their door with silly orders.

2. You can try ear plugs but they might not work and you could end up damaging an ear. Try pricey ones for better results.

3. You could throw rocks at their window but there would be a chance of a window getting broken and you don't need the cops to be called on you when you're the one being assaulted at least the ears and your sanity.

4. Put headphones on with music. Depending on what you use batteries are gonna go super fast. Rechargeable ones or use something that plugs into the wall. It is possible the headphones can end up falling off during the night.

5. Take a broom and bang it against the ceiling. There is a downside to this as you could end up with a broom handle shaped dent in the crappy workmanship of ceilings nowadays.

6. Yelling is always fun but you end up with an achy throat so keep lozenges on hand to pop in after a session.

7. Grunt with each squeak or try a growl to fight off the annoyance because you can't just sit there and say nothing when they are being so bloody annoying and inconsiderate.

8. You could jump on your bed and bang your headboard against the wall to see how they like it.

9. To drown out the horrible singing or egads music go into your room and close the door and get into the closet. Thank goodness for the light in the closet so bring along something to read until the horror show.

10. If you live alone or if you're not easily embarrassed make loud obnoxious sex sounds of your own and if possible have any roomie join in.

11. Go into the bathroom with the fan on to drown out the unwanted sounds. Hey you might as well clean it while you're in there.

12. Complain but don't hold your breath that it will actually work. Also make sure you have the right address so the complaint is about the right person.

13. Try stomping around like the neighbor above but it's not that easy unless you have hard wood floors and wear heels all the time.

14. Set the timer on the stove and have it go off so you get a beeping in the hopes of doing some annoying of your own.

15. Get creative like going online and have some freaky ad inviting all the wackos to come knocking as in the address of your pesky neighbor.

This is just written in fun so I don't suggest you do some of them since they could result in the police so just be amused which is the point really.

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