by Kelly Sandefur

Created on: April 06, 2007   Last Updated: October 31, 2008

There are several people out there that will say that when a woman dates an older man, she's got a "father complex", albeit, she's looking for someone to replace the father she didn't have. Or maybe the father that she had, but was never "there" for her. In my case, that was not so.

I was 18 years old when I met Dwight, and yes, he was quite a bit older than myself. 18 years older in fact. But right off, I liked him. I didn't fall head over heels with him at first sight. He strongly resembled George Carlin, and originally I was trying to set him up with my mother, as her track record for dating losers was long and I thought Dwight was a big step up. Never in my life would I have expected to end up with him myself. I'll mention I was engaged at the time when I met Dwight, so I never even considered him as a potential boyfriend. But alas, my engagement ended (by my hand I will say) and Dwight asked me to go out with him.

At first, I was interested in only being friends. He listened to me when I had a problem, and he was there for me when I needed someone to lean on. Then he told me he was getting partial custody of his then 4 yr old son. He knew how much I loved kids, and asked me if I'd be interested in watching his son while he worked. Well, things happened and I found myself needing a place to go as I was having issues with my family. Dwight offered me shelter, and we were together for almost 10 years. We have three children together as well. Wedding plans were never made, and I think I knew I wasn't in love with him from the start. He treated me well, was a good father, and I knew I would always have a friend in him. To this day, we are still good friends. We didn't work out, partially because of the age difference. I was young and wanted to do young things, and he would come home from work, too tired to do anything but fall asleep on the couch with one (if not all) of our kids climbing all over him. He was content with how things were in his life, and I wanted more. There were too many bridges to cross, and somehow we just never met in the middle.

Dating an older guy is not always a bad thing. My best friend married a guy 13 years older than herself. They've been together for 9 years now, and they've got their issues, but they're still holding strong. For some it works, for me, it didn't.

Age is just a number, but keep in mind that when you date someone older than yourself, they might not be able to keep up with you in the long run. While you want to go out to the newest club and dance all night, they might want to sit in front of the television and contemplate their navel. I don't regret my relationship with Dwight. I have three wonderful children, and he's good to them. We're still good friends, and I know we will always be that way.

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