by Chris Gagnon

Created on: April 05, 2007   Last Updated: May 07, 2007

Locked in a portajohn for 2 days? Believe it.

Last spring break, I was goin to go golfing with my friend Don Jackson. We live in Florida. I live by jacksonville, and he lives near orlando. We decided to make the trip Sawgrass. I packed my clubs and clothes, and headed out in my jeep wrangler. On the way, I had to pee really bad, and there I were kinda in the middle of nowhere. Eventually I saw this construction site, where it looked as if construciton was going on, little did i know it had been discontinued due to lack of funds. So I stopped, and I was so relived when i found a porta potty. I didn't assume that it would be my jail cell for the next few days.

I went in, and did my business, and reached for the door handle. I touched it. I grabbed it. I twisted. Nothing happend except a spawn of worriedness in my head. So I twisted harder. Nothing. I twisted even harder. Nothing. I kicked, and nothing happened. I was starting to get really worried, and with all my might, i threw both arms against the door. Nothing. I then thought of a super plan. I was going to put one foot against the wall by the toilet, and with my shoulder, force my way through the door. I planted my foot securely on the wall in a little notch. Then took a deep breathe and thrusted towards the door. Something happend, but nothing good. Something very bad happend. It fell over. luckly no liquid came fromt the porta potty. That was good. But here i am , stuck on my knees trapped in a porta john. I called my friend. He said he would come for me after i explained my general location, but that would be hours away. So i did what every man would do. I played games on my cell phone. My dear friend said he was going to give me a call when he was in the area i described, which was near Exit 194. While playing tetris on my phone, the strench began to get to me. It actualy made me start to feel dizzy. I dont know if that is a quality of poop, but it was happening to me. I dont remember finishing the game...

I woke up on the floor (side wall) of my fallen home. I felt so gross. I was worried about what time it was. I looked at my phone. 72 missed calls. I let out a few explitives, and called my friend. He answered, "ARE YOU OKAY!?!?! WHAT HAPPEND?!"

"Im okay, but come get me outta here! Im starting to get claustraphobic!"
"MAN, I called your wife, and told her your around exit 194 at the construction site, but i got in a fender bender stopping by mcDonalds in the parking lot. Im sorry man. I would have taken the damage, and just payed for it later, but the man woudlnt let me leave my number and go, he wanted to wait for the cops"
"WHAT?! Well when did my wife leave?"
"Maybe 15 minutes ago, im not sure when she left, when i talked to her she was at the check out line at the grocery store"
"Did you tell her that i was locked in a porta john?"
"Yeah, she sounded skeptical. But said she would be there as soon as possible"
"Okay man, WOAH my phones almost out of battery! When you get your busniess with the car taken care of, come help me out, just in case"
"okay Man, Stay alive !"
"Bye man"

Well long story short, my wife came around 14 hours later. We had just gotten married a year ago or so, and she is from michigan, she just moved down here about 1 year before that. She had been traveling on the freeway in the wrong direction for acouple hours. I love her very much, but she sometimes can be pretty ... naive. Anyways, when she came around the exit, she couldnt find the construction site. It was about a mile from the road, and my cell phone was dead.

It was terrible. But its a good story. I just found out my wife was pregnant a few days ago, I can tell this story to my kids!

Learn more about this author, Chris Gagnon.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.