by Carissae

Created on: April 05, 2007   Last Updated: April 25, 2007

Not Parenting Style but Parenting Choice! By responding to this topic, I am already facing a group of critics who might raise their finger with "No, No!".

Parenting style seems to imply a way we go about raising our children because that is our inherent way of doing so either through our upbringing or personal way of life. Instead, I prefer the words "Parenting Choice" because we choose the style we want if it suits us, based on certain facts, assumptions, observations and lifestyle. The Choice could change from month to month even up to years and it has nothing to do with the style.

By nature I am an authoritarian type parent. I have three children and I would prefer to dictate and tell them what to do and see that they get it done. I am also aware of other parenting styles and I should move away from being so dictatorial to being more assertive with the children instead. However, after reading so many books from various "parenting authorities" on the subject and children's learning experts like Howard Gardner on multiple intelligence, I realize I want to do it differently. I moved away deliberately from being an authoritarian parent even though that is always my first reaction if I do not use my brain but my emotions.

Not many would agree with my choice of learning and watching for results and decide the next step, but parenting is a phase in our life that no school could teach! Every child you have is going to be different and you need different strokes to make it work! Therefore, who are the critics when your parenting approach do not meet with the so-called standards or norm of raising children?

I would say your first critics are your parents, your dearest brothers, sisters, even spouse before the general public get to you. I listen to what they have to say but in my heart, I know if I could do it differently, I will still do it the same way. Therefore, knowing that what the critics say contain the best of intention is good enough for me but it does not move me to change my choice of how I raised my three children.

My children are able to look back and talk about it and tell me which way they felt was better during different phases of their growing years. I am glad I used parenting choice to change my way of bringing up my children along the way (not exactly shooting from the hip) but I blended in a more holistic approach to developing children with the analytical approach to ensure they learn and grow into sensible and fun achievers in life. Can the critics say the same?

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