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He was admitted for days at a time to the hospital during the administration of the chemo so that the staff could monitor his kidneys and heart 24 hours a day.

This year and a half was extremely rough. Because of the medication he was on, many times my husband wouldn't know who I was. He had hallucinations and would try to pick non-existent bugs off of himself. He slept in a hospital bed in our living room when he was not in the hospital. The saddest part was that he really couldn't be a father. The kids spent a good part of that year and a half growing up without dad being involved in their life or helping to enroll them in school, and dealing with a sometimes-crazy mother who was living life one hour at a time sometimes.

Hindsight is 20/20 and looking back, we both feel extremely fortunate. My husband got better and passed the 5 year survival mark, even though he still has some residual side-effects. We had to re-establish our marriage and he had to learn to concentrate on becoming the father again. He is now the strong man I remember him to be. His relationship with me and the kids are great. But - most of all, I am fortunate to have learned so much.

Some tips for those going through the same thing:

1. Allow others to help. Without my mother-in-law moving in, I'm not sure how we would have made it. I was able to keep working to keep our health insurance and pay our rent. The kids were taken care of with the babysitters help. Family visited to ensure that hubby was able to make his doctor's appointments. During in-patient treatment, we ensured that he always had someone at the hospital to ask questions and ensure his treatment was moving along correctly.

2. Ask questions, ask more questions and ask even more questions. Do not be intimated by doctors and do not allow them to rush you through treatment. If you are not comfortable with a doctor or feel you aren't getting enough time, switch doctors! This is your life and you must take charge of it.

3. Take life in small chunks. Don't think about next week if it's stressing you out. Live hour by hour and deal with the here and now if that's as much as you can handle. Life will continue moving on and worrying about next week or next month if you can't change anything now is a waste of energy and introduces unnecessary stress.

4. Take comfort in the small things. Establish rapport with the nursing staff - they can sometimes be your best ally and really helped us deal with setbacks. Celebrate successes. Lean on others and share feelings. I remember one moment when my 5 year old son and my two pre-teen nephews shaved their heads to be like "Uncle Mike", who was completely bald by then. That is still a picture I treasure.

5. Pray - not just for healing, but also pray for moments of peace. Take a moment and pray for others who need help as much or more than you do.

In conclusion, we don't know why hubby developed cancer. But - I can tell you how humbling the entire process was for both of us. We were so fortunate to have good doctors, an excellent support system, access to quality health care and people who encouraged us never to give up. As we went through the MD Anderson Cancer Center in Houston, we saw people where cancer had eaten up part of their face, kids in strollers with bald heads and the pale face associated with chemo and we realized that no matter what was in store, as a family we could be strong and use this experience to become stronger.

Learn more about this author, Linda J Banks.
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