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I used to struggle wearing contact lenses when my children were young and many a time they used to watch me fuss and whimper in front of the mirror as I attempted to get these horrible things into my smarting eyes, and then watch with a macabre delight as I repeated the process in the evening.

One particular day, whilst having a worst time than normal, there was a knock at the door. "Get that!" I snarled at my poor 5 year old daughter and she dutifully trotted off, opened the front door and peered round at the gas man.

"Mummy won't be long" she informed him amidst the distant screams of despair coming from upstairs, "she is just taking her eyes out!"

"I won't be long! The gas man called up to me and then went on to scramble through all the junk under the stairs to get to that all important reading.

My daughter was really good and was the perfect hostess. She stuck her head in the cupboard and informed the man that she would have made him a cup of tea but she wasn't allowed to use the kettle yet so would he like juice instead?

She then went on to tell him that her "Grandmother's skin was too big for her body" and that "the tooth fairy had taken all Granny's teeth in the night so she had to get some new ones"

She then asked him if he was really old and the gas man said very solemnly, "Yes I am really old." And then she looked at him and said just as solemnly; "You'll be dead soon then!"

With that, the gas man laughed at her, and called up to say that he had taken the reading and that he would be on his way. My daughter hadn't finished with him yet however, and as he went to out of the door she thanked him nicely and asked him if he had any children.
He told her that he had, but they had all gone away now.

"Why?" she asked, "don't they like you?"

My children have given me a lot of pleasure over the years and have given me a good laugh. They can embarrass you and mortify you such as the time I told my son off and told him to "walk nicely" when he was misbehaving. I could have died of shame when he cowered into the corner of the shop saying "don't hurt me Mommy" It worked with his father when he wanted the sympathy vote, but the other Moms around me looked at me as if to string me up there and there.

I saw the funny side in the end, and it helped with my son being so cute.

Make the most of when they are young. Those little moments that made you laugh so much then, will become rich memories that you can share with your grandchildren. And believe me, (hairy cucumbers? No, I think that was a cactus darling) your grandchildren will get you laughing even more.

Learn more about this author, Jane Allyson.
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