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I have four children who have been involved with the divorce of me and thier Dad. Needless to say I believe this is the hardest thing a child could have ever endured. The best advice I can give is just remember that the children are innocent. They have absolutly nothing to do with the relationship that has dissolved between thier parents. Remember that no matter what the children have, do, and always will love the missing spouse. If you can explain why you are divorcing, without degrading the other partner then that is a great start. It helps to write down what to say that way you are prepared and leaves little way for error. You can write and rewrite till its what you want to say. Once that is done then prepare yourself emotionally. If they see that you are scared or upset then they will feed off of that. My ex has chosen not to be involved with his children. I feel that this is extremely hurtfull to the children. How many times I have set with my children trying to explain the reasons. They feel that he no longer loves them. Remember you are trying to make them feel secure in the fact that no matter what they are loved. Spend time with them. I have tried to spend special time with each one of my children. I take them out individually, like a date. I take them to thier favorite place and spend one on one time with them. I keep that line of communication open that they can talk to me about anything. Sometimes they talk negative about thier father and I try to explain as best I can without degrading him in anyway. Keep the atmosphere clear so that they know you are there. Allow the missing spouse to be involved in every aspect. Let the children know that he is only a phone call away. Let them talk as long and as often as wanted. If your reltionship is mature enough allow them to come along at get togethers. Let them help shop for school clothes. Let them be involved as much as possible. Remember never be jealous of the other. If you need to think back to when times were good if only for the children sake. All three of my boys are grown and my daughter is now 14. My two oldest boys are married and have children of thier own. They are in healthy and loving marriages. My eighteen year old son is currently in a trade school. He has no desire to get involved in a serious reltionship till he is settled. I hope I have helped in some way. Just remember the chilren are innocent. And the wounds will heal if allowed.

Learn more about this author, Debbie Abbott.
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