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Many marriages break because people grow apart, and in marriage there is a strong struggle to grow together. If you started a relationship faking who you are, (and that is just what today's dating scene encourages) you are just adding to future stress in the relationship. Dating is no fun anymore and very risky. You are encouraged to sell yourself and not be yourself. And who wins in this market? The best act. Life changes people enough without starting a relationship on a false basis. If you keep up a pretense how do you expect your intended to ever get to know the real you? What will happen the day your mask breaks (and it will one day)? If you want a lasting relationship you should let your true colours be seen. By all means improve yourself if you want but do not pretend to be what you are not.

I say bring back old fashioned dating, or correctly called courtship! That was when real safe happy relationships were formed. Courtship was based on love but it went a lot deeper than the physical attraction and feelings of love. It looked at the compatibility of the two personalities, lives and families coming together and examined the practicalities of this.

Singles need to just carry on being themselves. The fact that you are still single is because you respect yourself, you have got taste, and you are not willing to give your heart to someone who you are not convinced will cherish it. Why get desperate? Is it going to help the situation? When, I look around at married people or people in relationships. I see people very similar to me and my single friends; Attractive, not so attractive, out going or shy, career women or not career women, strong faith or no faith, intelligent or not so bright, ex-desperates or never been desperate!... The only difference between them and the friends in serious relationships is that the latter happened to be in the right place at the right time and met the right person.

It is knowing all this that makes a single desperate. "What am I doing wrong?" "What am I not doing that they did?" They ask themselves over and over. And they will find no end of people to tell them that they are doing lots of things wrong when really the answer is, "Nothing". I as a Christian believe that actually it is an act of God and depends totally on what HIS will is for a person's life. Your part is just to live for Him and enjoy what He is doing in your life presently.

Before deciding what we do in seeking love we would do well to consider the social changes which our societies are experiencing I mean Just look, the collapse of the family is a social change which is taking place already and at an incredible rate. And what do we find? Well it is not just the family that is changing - all human relationships are degenerating. People are loosing their social skills. The world is becoming individualistic. There is little vocal dialogue or face to face dialogue. People are choosing to live alone, work from home, communicate through computers, etc. Just look at the internet dating phenomena. People say that they do not have the time to meet new people! Despite new technology people appear to have less time for themselves even to take care of their basic needs We want faster food, 7/24 hour businesses, easy credit, all under one roof shopping. New technology means that even entertainment and recreation can be enjoyed alone and is no longer a social activity. Crime, loneliness, burnout and depression are on the increase.

We need to change this trend, we need to be real.

Learn more about this author, Saron Maramo.
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